Posted by
Scatbug on Monday, December 22, 2008 6:29:35 PM
...An excerpt from the daily journal of actor, director,
activist, and aspiring reporter, Sean Penn
In a rare, honest and unabridged window to the soul of
a modern-day Renaissance Man, Sean Penn has released to the public his 2009 New
Year’s resolutions. Drawn from his secret diary, these ten personal goals and
aspirations should be read not just out of idle celebrity curiosity, but rather
as a study of the motivations which drive a Man of Accomplishment. Has
"Milk" caused Sean to believe that the specter of discrimination
lurks in Hollywood?
Does he really stride the corridors of power from Washington,
to Havana, to Tehran, and beyond? Will he do more
ground-breaking reporting for the San Francisco Chronicle? All of these
questions and more are answered here in the “Penn Diaries.”
__________________________________________________
December 19, 2008 – Another Friday in my life.
Dear Diary,
Not much to report except that these frickin’ Milk promos
are killing me. Where am I next week? New
York again? Christ. With my luck, Regis and Kelly on
Monday. Have two more shrill voices ever been in the same room at the same
time? Ask Robin to pick up some ear plugs at Walgreens this weekend. Or maybe I
can just tap in by phone or something. I’ll say I’m calling via satellite from
the Amazon, or some b.s. It worked with Oprah. Oh, to hell with it. Robin wants
to do some shopping, so I’ll take one for the team and flap my gums for five
minutes at a studio full of house fraus. Sacrifices must be made if I want
Oscar Jr. to join the family…Hardy, har, har.
Anyway, I’ve been blowing this off for weeks. But no more
excuses. Tonight I commit to my New Year’s resolutions for 2009. To wit:
-
Turn down next iconic homosexual role. Hate to say it, but
maybe a gay dude should have a shot for once. (Related task: Call Eric
McCormack. He might have some advice. Or maybe Phil Hoffman. Sigh…Heath, rest
in peace brother.)
-
Get to know Hugo better. He seemed pretty cool when we met
last year. A bit forward perhaps, but that can be charming in its own way. And
that fiery passion is infectious. (Related tasks: Research waterfront
properties in Caracas.
Also, get fitted for red shirts. All styles.)
-
In honor of the new age dawning brightly, remove “Dissent is
the highest form of patriotism” and “Kerry/Edwards” bumper stickers from Prius.
Replace with the new ones Gore sent. (Related task: Find out where Prius is.)
-
Start filming documentary, Revolutionary Justice: Inside
Cuba’s Compassionate Penal System. Must do before the Gitmo dungeons close!!
(Related tasks: Ask the Castro boys to tour the modern counterrevolutionary
rehabilitation centers they mentioned. No doubt they’re just busy, even that
“retired” El Comandante! Vigor personified, that tough ol’ hombre is. Also,
call Soderbergh to borrow research materials.)
-
Finally start screenplay for Saddam: A Life. (Related tasks:
Grow thick mustache to get in character. Also, Woody Allen to play both
Bushies?? Call his agent. And lock in that Benjamin Buttons makeup dude.)
-
Learn more about Jewish history. (Related tasks: E-mail
Mahmoud for the reading list he promised. Also, ask him about dates for grand
opening of The Twelfth Imam Nuclear Power Station. Make sure to get shipping
address for “Green is the color of Islam” t-shirts and buttons.)
-
Peace mission to Afghanistan. (Related tasks: Check
out trip to Waziristan that Omar recommended.
Press for OBL interview. "No" is not acceptable! Also, see if Cindy
wants to tag along. Oh crap. And send her an election loss condolence card.
What a tool of the Bush/Cheney War Machine that Pelosi is.)
-
Impeach the Bush/Cheney War Machine. (Related tasks: Call
the NY Times about “We’ve Still Got 20 Days!” op-ed. It must, must, must run on
the 1st. Ask Rahm to apply the screws if needed. Also ask him about
inauguration tickets. Aisle seats.)
-
Visit North
Korea. (Related tasks: Call San Francisco
Chronicle to pitch story idea. Also, reread Walter Duranty biography. Take
notes.)
- Live simply and act humbly. (No related tasks.)
There...Ten resolutions. All of them doable, all of them
inspired to a higher calling. Nice job, Sean. And thanks Diary; you never let
me down.