Posted by
Scatbug on Saturday, July 19, 2008 9:29:30 PM
My previous hard hitting post discussed the media fascination with Barack Obama's sweat glands. It seems that Obama was seen recently exiting a Chicago fitness center, the East Bank Club, after a three hour private visit. An AP reporter marveled that as Obama left the club, he did not appear to be perspiring. He later confirmed with other professional journalists who've seen Obama play basketball, that the senator in fact does not sweat. Ever the incredulous blogger, I snooped around the web and found a story on Obama's outlandishly bloated campaign staff: a staff 5 times larger than W's from 2004. I therefore came to the (seemingly) ironclad conclusion that Barack Obama hires people to perform his essential bodily functions.
But now I must question the soundness of that assertion. Below is a brief description of the facilities at the
East Bank Club, taken from its website:
A complete facility, East Bank Club truly offers all things for all people. East Bank Club's facilities include a ¼-mile indoor running track; eight indoor tennis courts; three racquetball courts; a squash court; a platform tennis court; a 20,000 square-foot cardiovascular room; a free weight room; five aerobics studios; a Pilates and GYROTONIC® studio; physical therapy; a 60-bike spinning studio; four swimming pools (two indoor, two outdoor); two regulation-size basketball courts; an indoor golf driving range; a pro shop; a dry cleaner; a full-service salon and spa; a children's activity center; a car wash; a casual grill; a gourmet deli; an elegant restaurant; catering facilities; a juice bar; a 60,000 square-foot sun deck; and much more.
While not mentioned specifically, I have strong reason to believe that the East Bank Club offers showering facilities to its clientele. What's more, based on my experience at the local YMCA, the East Bank Club may also provide towels at no charge. This new information is leading me to believe that the "no sweat" phenomenon is not explained by hired perspirers or even by cyborg concepts inspired by the Terminator film series, as one commenter suggested. No, it is rather because reporters are naive, star-struck dumbsh***s.